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1 The Sheilings, 30 Cliff Drive, Poole BH13 7JG Phone: +44 (0)1202 706592 Email: info@adb-management.com |
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Phone: +44 (0)1202 706592 |
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If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion. The Dalai Lama |
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Lifestyle Management |
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Happiness isn’t getting what you want; Happiness is appreciating what you have! Alexandra Bertschy |
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Issue 1—Vol 2 January 2009 |
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Newsletter |
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Well, here we are—another year and personally I am very pleased that the year-end festivities are behind me. I hate Christmas time, mainly because I never associate that time with anything other than hypocrisy. No one cares that on one day more than 2000 years ago a baby was born that they called Jesus and that this was the start of Christianity. In any case Christians are just a small percentage of people on this planet. And here’s another valid point: it was ONE day, not weeks and weeks of tinsel and trash (I say weeks but it should be months as supermarkets start pushing their wares on us already in August - just after the Back to School stuff that appears the day after kids start their summer holidays!). It has become a time when you are made to feel you have to be with specific people and you have to buy certain presents and you have to eat pre-determined foodstuffs. There are many single and alone people in this world (the elderly, the young, the childless ones) and all that this Christmas hype does is make them feel in some way inferior and inadequate. It is all so unnecessary. If all year long you care about certain people and rejoice in their company and take pleasure in sharing meals with them, then there is no reason you should not do that on any (or every) day in December. But if that is not the case, then why do it just because the calendar states it is now the 25th of December.
BUT, this is behind us once again and as always I swear I will not go through that performance next time. We’ll see whether I have the strength and courage to keep my word 11 months from now. HOWEVER, I love the new year as it is a symbol of new beginnings, new resolutions and new growth as we see, little by little, the days get a bit longer and nature start slowly showing its face again as buds appears on trees and shrubs and those little shoots begin to push through the earth. It feels like wiping the slate clean and being given another chance to get it right this time.
I used the word ‘resolutions’ but in my life this is not the correct expression. All too often resolutions are dead and gone by the time January ends. I prefer to call them ‘intentions’ and keep them general, rather than totally precise which leaves me room to manœuvre and perhaps succeed. For example, I intend to be true to myself every day; I intend to find something to be really happy about each day; I intend to eliminate from my life anything and everything and everyone that is not positive for me; and I intend to butt out of things that do not concern me unless it is to bring something positive to the situation.
To all outside intents and purposes, this is not an easy year we are going into—that’s if you listen, watch or read all the news reports being thrown at us. I will repeat again that I believe humanity has got itself into a right mess, through greed or ambition or whatever you want to call it, and that dramatic steps need to be taken to correct the situation. Some of those steps are already being taken as people begin to understand that they cannot indefinitely keep spending on their credit cards and continually defer repayment of what they owe—and that’s a good thing even if some retailers sadly bear the consequences of those non-actions.
But what we did, we can undo and we must believe that we are capable of living good, healthy and abundant lives without hurting each other and stealing or cheating to attain material wealth and happiness.
Maybe 2012 [the alleged end of the world] is a good thing—not the end of the existence of our planet, but just a transformation and transition into a new era. You know, we had the stone age, the ice age, the iron age etc and we have just lived through a fabulous technological age which has had numerous good points. Perhaps we are now just transitioning into a more spiritual age. Please remember that for me spiritual is not in any way synonymous with poverty and deprivation. It is purely another way of saying that we need to recognize that it is not the objects that make us happy but our feelings pertaining to those objects and if we can find the feelings, then the objects become less important. So maybe I should call it a feelings era rather than a spiritual age.
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Happy New Year! |
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Reader’s question of the month:
I seem to be drifting, not really knowing what I want or what I am supposed to do, like what is my purpose here?
I think we all go through moments in our lifetime when we ask ourselves that very same question. What’s it all about . . .
It can be a very lonely feeling, as if you are the only one who hasn’t got a purpose or a mission in life. It’s the sort of feeling you get when you lose a job or a loved one or generally things around you change, such as kids leaving home to go to university or to set up their own nests.
I don’t know what applies to you but the solution, or way through this, is probably the same whatever your current situation. And that is, what feels right for you? Are you happy in the work you do; if not is there something you could do to change that feeling? Are you and your partner compatible or have you drifted apart? What does an average day look like for you?
So often we go through certain motions, we marry the ‘right’ person, do the ‘appropriate’ job, take care of the people around us and we lose sight of who we are and what we want. It may be that you are driven by money (in other words, a mortgage or rent to pay, bills that need settling, food that has to be bought) and it seems to you that your current job has to do as it at least provides you with enough to fulfil those above obligations. But that’s all there is; there is never more for fun or holidays or entertainment.
To find your purpose in this life, you need to sit down with yourself and identify those things that really make you happy, absolutely WHATEVER they are. Trust that when you are doing the things that please you and fulfil you, not only are you a happier person for yourself but also for all those who come into contact with you and most times money will flow most readily into your life when you are in that contented situation. You do actually know exactly who you are and what it is that makes you tick and this is all perfectly OK and acknowledging all that is staying on your true path and completing the mission you came here to do.
If you feel stuck at any time, then we are always here to provide you with lifestyle management sessions (call us) and if you feel you prefer anonymity, then use the services of a provider such as My Friend on the Phone.
Most importantly, enjoy every moment of your life and there will be even more moments for you to enjoy—and that surely is as good a purpose to be here as any!
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I’m the eternal optimist and I find it hard to buy into doom and gloom scenarios. But all this has got me thinking a bit about the irony of the law of attraction. I am sure that most of you fully understand this by now and to simplify it: it is just that what you think about is what happens in your life. Fair enough . . .
Isn’t it strange though that any time we have a teensy-weensy little negative thought, that one comes to fruition long before and much quicker than any positive desire we are launching. For example, you hear about a friend of yours being burgled or mugged and of course you sympathise and the thought goes through your head that it must be awful to have your home invaded or your belongings stolen. Next thing you know, your home has been invaded and your things taken. However, when you sit there often and think how wonderful it would be to go out with or live with George Clooney—hallo, Universe, where is he? I’m still waiting!!!!
So why is this? Well I’ve given it much thought and come to the conclusion that most of us don’t really know ourselves very well. There is this ginormous chasm between our subconscious, previously programmed selves and the outer self that has spent and still is spending time on personal development and positive mental attitude. The problem is that when these two parts do not exactly match, we cannot get what we want and even more sadly, we are most times not even aware that there is this discrepancy between our inner subconscious self and our outer desires.
The big question is of course how do we get the two to match. I am not sure even that I actually know exactly what it is that is stuck in my subconscious, because if I did, then surely I would be able to clear it. How are we going to find out what it is that blocks us?
I would suggest that you take one day and just ‘let it all hang out’. In other words, spend a day allowing your most uncontrolled thoughts to reign, make no attempt to immediately replace them with a nice positive thought. Keep a pad and pencil with you all day as it is going to be very important to remember what those ‘bad’ thoughts were. If you also have good thoughts, write them down too and we can see what percentage of a day’s total thoughts they represent. It doesn’t matter how awful some of those thoughts might seem to you as you look at the list the next day. These are your true thoughts and therefore they are deeply implanted in your subconscious and like it or not they are affecting the outcome of your life.
When you know your enemy, you can fight your enemy. Therefore the next stage is to deal, one by one, with those negative nasty thoughts and either permanently replace them with happier ones or if you feel you can do nothing about a certain situation, just release them, let them go, wish them well and tell them thanks, don’t need you anymore—and mean it.
I believe these embarrassing and upsetting thoughts that are buried so deep within us are the only things that prevent us leading happy and fulfilled lives. And at the end of the day that is all any of us really want. Whether our happy days are lived in a luxury palace on our own or in a cottage with a perfect family around or jet-setting round the globe or creating the biggest business empire the world has ever seen, there is only one reason any of us does any of those things and this is in order to feel good.
As I said earlier, maybe we are entering into a feelings age where all that matters are the sentiments, the emotions we experience and not the objects that create that happiness (or opposite).
Also, Chinese New Year (The Year of the Ox) begins this month on 26 January so many good wishes there and bring on that fabulous Chinese food . . .
I know that 2009 is a fantastic year for every single human being (and living creature) on this planet and that it is simply in YOUR hands to make it so.
©ADB 2009
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‘Oasis’ by Sylvia Monnat Mixed technique art |
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Instant Manifestation—I LOVE IT!
We all hear so often about how it is the journey that counts and not the destination. OK . . . I return to the analogy so often used about travelling from New York or Phoenix to San Diego and the valid points that this makes about not giving up and knowing that even if you have not yet arrived, you are on the right road.
Well I now feel that actually arriving is very important. I think that life is not a journey – but lots of little journeys. You know, if all you ever did was spend time on a highway (wherever it was leading to), you’d get pretty darn sick of that, wouldn’t you. So we of course need instant manifestation, constant instant manifestation, and it is a good thing. Life must consist of lots of San Diego’s that we are continually reaching. However so many of us just seem to spend all of this physical life on some metaphorical highway, trying this, trying that, always looking for the San Diego and yet always remaining on that flipping highway. For a lot of people life is just about a highway – that dreary job, the boring home life, all dull steps along the path that ultimately leads only to physical death. Does it have to be that way? What are you going to do to get off that dull route?
As soon as you get a thought or an idea, you want it to be so. This is normal, this is right and this is how it must be. I was very privileged, a long time ago now, to travel on Concorde (the supersonic jet aircraft). This was a fantastic experience. Why? Well not because Concorde was anything extraordinary, that’s to say it didn’t have a swimming pool or a tennis court on board or bedrooms or anything like that; it didn’t even have a lounge area like on a Jumbo. It was basic and relatively small but the beauty of it was that it was so fast. Faced with the fact of having to be in New York, which was I going to choose: a long journey by sea (huh, I think not!); a normal plane trip that would take eight to nine hours (possibly); or a supersonic jet that got me there in less than 4 hours?
I also remember the journeys from Europe to Asia which took us over the North Pole, so you spent 8 or more hours on a plane from say London to Anchorage, where they kicked you off for a couple of hours and this in Anchorage was mid-afternoon but to you it was like two in the morning London time and then, having looked at the giant polar bear at the airport and bought a couple of the polar bear toys to bring home with you, you got on another plane and spent 8 or more hours of boredom until you arrived in Tokyo. Now you fly across Siberia and it only takes 12 or 13 hours – yuk more boredom; there is nothing worse than being on an aeroplane for that length of time, only so many movies to watch and only so many meals you can stomach. If only there were a quicker way . . .
As a child I was quite a fan of science fiction programmes and movies, especially Star Trek. Do you know the bit I liked best? Beam me up Scottie – and I don’t care whether that is exactly what was said, I just love the idea behind it. Instant manifestation!
Most of us want speed. I knew that I had to be in Tokyo at a certain time and for a fixed duration and all that mattered to me was getting there. I knew that once I reached Tokyo and completed what I was there to do, I always had the option to come back via Bali or Fiji or the Middle East but that Tokyo was my first and primary goal. And that applies to whatever it is that you are doing. If you want to go canoeing on a river, you expect to do just that, right away. That experience is not about where the river will lead you; it is about the enjoyment of being in a little boat and doing what it takes to stay afloat.
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